The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
