Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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