If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
