I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
