I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
