I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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