im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
