Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
