I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
