i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
