What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
