my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
