I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize