You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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