Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
