"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
