I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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