Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
