Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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