i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
