i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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