I can tuck mytits in my pants
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
