My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
