i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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