yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
