I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Even my vagina gasped.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize