RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
