I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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