Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
