He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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