Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize