you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
