your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
