He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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