There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
