Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
