peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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