did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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