I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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