Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
