Sry I called you an 8
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
