Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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