he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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