There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
