She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
