A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
