Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't think brook has ever known best
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
