so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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