Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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