She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
