so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize