moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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