The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
