You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Who died my cat blue again?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
