I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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