Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize