Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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