I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
