Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
