tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
