My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
