I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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