Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
