U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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