speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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