He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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