wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
