Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
