have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
