My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
