ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
