She is in my trunk
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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