I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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