she looked like the before picture.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
