I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
please come you make the beer taste better
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
