Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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