New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
