Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my poor anus
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
